Just another hectic day (part II)
Well, what can I say ? Another hectic day of work with the pressure pilling on, issues after issues and working on documents and following these action points with head office. Wonder why did I sign up for this type of stress? The only good thing about this is that I'm in Tokyo working for a project for 12 months! and I hope (to finish up the project intact!) to get this onto my CV. I guess that helps me put things into perspective when it comes to dealing with the stress level and work load!
But on a serious note, I'm finding the workload a bit challenging considering that I was hoping for a more balance lifestyle! I wanted to pick up a new language skill (Japanese) and to find LOVE! But the both things that I set out to do at the begining of this year is nowhere near what I would like to start! Ok - granted I have started Japanese classes but I have had no time to go through the excercises and it doesn;t help when all the guys in the project team speaks English only! Sigh! And with all the time working, where is there time to find LOVE? Maybe I have better chance on the internet! :-) Considering I'm also spending a huge amount of time on the web! Ah well, I guess I have to see how things pend out over the next few days and adjust my expectations. I have been very patient so far - and that's because I have sold my soul to the corporate organisation.
Went to the gym again today and saw Gym Boy working out again. No eye contact at all and was doing my own routine. Although I was getting a good look at him from the side mirrors :-) I guess this will do me fine for the day. Sad isn't?
Just for me
The other day as I was talking about blogging with a very dear friend of mine :-), and we talked about the beauty of this crazy activity - being anonymous and one could just hide in but adviced me to take a cautionary note as others may stumble into my blog and could figure out the person writing this.
So I did what I had to do and went back to the start of my blog and read it once again. Why did I even started it? I guess I wanted to write about my feelings and confusion of being a closeted gay person (did I just call myself gay???) and to channel my energy somewhere else.
See, I'm in the early 30s and still single but my career has been good to me. Typical of this situation is people like us channelling all our energies into work so that we can focus on it and simply brushed aside the gay thing! I even resorted to running Marathons just to get this out of my head! However, I feel that If I continue with this strategy, I'm going to hit a wall in the future so hard, then when I fall, I'm not sure how to pick myself up!! I spend countless hours on the website just surfing for porn and that's not healthy - even to oneself. Then at the end of this year, I started reading blogs and came across one - anonyboy and simply got hook to his blog. The similarities we share were just amazing and it occurred to me - maybe, I need this blog business to channel the other wasted energy. So I started blogging and the the purpose of this blog was to write for myself and not anyone else. So no censorship of my feelings and thoughts about issues or what I will write but will always use a pseudo name in place of my real name! Who knows maybe in the future, I will reveal myself (hopefully!)
Not sure how the blog will look like in a years time or whether I would have the discipline to carry out the writing because of my hectic work schedule but fingers crossed, like anything we do in this world, we strive to do our best and to deliver the results.
Just too coincidental....
Ever believe in coincidences? What does it mean to us? Is GOD trying to say something or is it just chance?
Just this week, two events have occured in a way that I don't understand the laws of the universe. What am I suppose to take from these events?
One of my favourite blogs - anonyboy wrote something that sent chills down my spine. Two different people from two different cities in this world have the same similarities - he, in the US and I'm in Japan but we have the same issues - we are still closeted, advance in our careers, have lots of good straight friends who are concerned about our single hood. Getting all the ladies' numbers to get us hooked up! On the other hand, we are obliged to call them and go out dates with them and hopefully it doesn't last because we will come up with 1001 excuses. When we hangout with the boys, we have to do the straight stuff and ogle at ladies but we'll do this in a superficial manner (almost feeling embarrased just to do it!). Then when we compare ourselves with our friends around us - they are either married, or in a relationship, have kids or going to have kids. We have nothing in relationship ....probably this statement is true for me. Both of us are fierecely independent as well. The feeling of solidarity. Then there is the eye game at the gym - both like a certain guy in the gym, average looking and not that muscular build......same situation but different gyms and different cities in this world. Gosh.....I was shocked just to read the blog. Had to take a breather for a couple of seconds to realise that I'm not that "alone" in this world but the message from the blog was incredibly similar.
Then today, I was thinking of getting a hair cut but the hair saloon was packed with people like me trying to get a hair cut on a mid Saturday morning. When I saw the crowd, I decided that I'm not going to queue and went to get lunch instead. As I was crossing, I bumped into Gym guy....was I shocked to see him down at this part of town. He saw me and I saw him. I just gave him a node. He just stared at me....no acknowledgement!
Nevermine, I had to get him out of my head for a while. So manage to do so...until I went to the gym (that was much later in the evening) and bumped into him again at the gym. Now - what do you call that - another chance of meeting? Anyway, there was no acknowledgement as I felt like I was stalking him. So bascially just did my routine and tried not to look at his direction. Felt like a fool! But what can I do? I am too chicken shit to start a conversation. I'll probably be too nervous and will just say the wrong time and this may construe a pick up line (and the gym is not a meat market one would associate with) and to makes matter worse, it doesn't help if he has his head phones in all the time.
So I decided at the end of my gym routine that I was going to put this away and finished up! So left discretly but half cursing myself for not initiating any conversation at all. If the response is reciprocated, then I know what to do and if it's not reciprocated, then I know where I stand......sigh.
Need some confidence feed through my system now!
Just Leo
My star sign - Leo. The Western astrological sign Leo of the tropical zodiac (July 24 – August 23). In some cosmologies, Leo is associated with the classical element Fire, and thus called a Fire Sign (with Aries and Sagittarius). Leo is also one of the Fixed signs (along with Taurus, Scorpio, and Aquarius).
Each astrological sign is assigned a part of the body, viewed as the seat of its power. Leo rules the heart and spine (that's me...I think :-)
How do you describe a Leo? Generally considered generous, fiercely proud and theatircal. To summarise, some the the key phrases, keywords and concepts associated with the Leo sign: "I rule," passionate, bossy, loves attention, dramatic, independent, noble, creative, leader, egoistic, heart/back
Here the Sun blazed in a masculine sign on my birthday. The Sun in astrology stands for our essential nature, the true stamp of our character. The fifth sign of the Zodiac, Leo is ruled by the life-giving Sun, the lord of our solar system. A fixed (strong and solid) sign, Leo governs will and authority. It is a fire sign, which means Leo people are grand, confident and generous, although you tend to be egocentric and can be somewhat overbearing.
The Sun, the ruler of our inner nature, is enthroned in Leo, the sign of its own house, or rulership. This energy is thoroughly regal, the lion being the king of beasts, for proud Leo regards himself as the natural centre of attention - and confidently expects others to step back and pay homage when his bushy mane is displayed in the limelight...
Love of Life (yeah right! ....read on
Glamorous Leo enjoys a thoroughgoing love of life and all its pleasures. As the Sun bestows light and life without favour, the benefactor of every living thing on this earth, so you, genial host and natural entertainer, get inordinate pleasure from helping others enjoy life as much as you do.
Enthusiasm, generosity and your sunny disposition inspires the affection of many friends and admirers (sure??? - had to tell though), while turning those with less popular personalities green with envy. Though full of ambition and enthusiasm, Leo has to admit to a lazy streak and, given the opportunity, will take the easy way out, especially when a situation offers little fun or glory. This is something lazy, luxurious Leo needs to watch (that is so me!! )
Consistency and Determination (Is it me?)
Determined Leo, a fixed sign, can be rather stubborn and resistant to imposed changes. In many ways this is a plus, for it gives you the stamina to accomplish things in life, due to your tenacity. You can stick with projects when other more easily distracted souls lose concentration or interest. This stubbornness, which you prefer to think of as consistency and determination, is, however, dictated more often than not by your ego (there is some truth in it but I need the money and love the hectic life style)
It is easy for pleasure-loving Leo to become addicted to rich food, and as the cat gets older you find yourself putting on weight (oh my god.....that's going to be a NO NO NO for me). Your gregarious nature makes it hard to enjoy or stick to boring, solitary physical fitness routines, (have been doing this for the last couple of years) but you may not mind dressing up in flashy gym outfits (nah - too gay for me!) and joining an exercise class (agreeable). Dancing (when I was younger!), swimming (my knees are giving way (old age!) and may need to take this sports up again), and tennis (me??? - too pompous for me!) are your favourites, though you are quite keen on sports of all kinds.
Playing to the Grandstand
Playing to the grandstand when starring on the field is an everpresent temptation, but perhaps you ought to remember, in team sports even the king of beasts is still supposed to be part of a team. Arts and crafts, theatre groups, philanthropic societies and religious organizations attract your interest and participation (me religous? wow, mom would be satisfied!)
Leo rules the back and heart, so people with Leo active in their charts are subject to over-exertion, general problems with stress in the back (okay - enough gym training!) and ailments of the heart (does emotions include as well?). You have a strong constitution and can usually overcome your problems, many of which are of your own making, due to overindulgence (hahaha - that's probably true as well - I worry too much and can't seem to resolve my issues logically!) .
So that's it - that is why my blog has been christianed Maximus Leo!
Just Maximus
I have been wanting to write why I have chosen Maximus Leo as my blog name but have had no discipline to do so. Well, today I simply had to write this down.
When Gladiator was shown in 2000, I went to watch it with an expectation that it was just another Hollywood action pack movie and it was. Nothing fell short of my expectations but the thing that hit me on the day was the morale of the story itself. To movie critics/buffs - it was just a make believe movie but there is a subtle elegance throughout the picture that gives it great style. The main character - Maximus, the "general who became a slave, who became a gladiator, who defied an emperor". It was the intense style and the relentless determination and confidence of Maximus that draw me to this name. I like Maximus - it shows confidence at the highest level. I like it the way Maximus was portrayed - the family man, a general, a trusted confidente to the emperor and lastly the gladiator. You probably won;t get someone who is all rounded person nowadays but it did strike an accord with me while I was feeling lost and confused. The name Maximus just resonate so well in my head that it stuck with me all these years.
Just pictures today
I'm not in the mood of writing today! Sigh....just read anonyboy's blog and I'm just amazed that I'm not only one in this world with this predicament that I'm in! and what he wrote today just sent a chill down my spine. Just imagine two guys (maybe more) but in different cities with the same problems. Only we were able to connect locally...that would be even more comforting. Just maybe.....
Anyway, I'll have to dwell on this and write more this weekend. In the meantime.....just photos today.
Just disappointed
We all go through the days in our lives feeling dejected, happy, miserable, mischievours, disappointed, stressed out, freaked out, lazy, happy again and what ever suits the person's mood. Well for me I'm just feeling disappointed today!
Why?.......here are the reasons:
1. Could not deliver the quality of review on our project documents....this could be a limiting career move...sigh!
2. Cooked some chicken pieces (ready made with a layer of crispy coating over them) and to find out it's made up of fatty bits of skin! Yuck....If I was hungover, fine, but not today. How on earth am I going to get a 6 piece pack of abs....
3. My secret gym admiree did not appear until I was about to leave the gym....so I missed an hour of secretly admiring him. :-(
4. I am so far away from achieving my 2006 new year;s resolution, it's 11:10 and I'm no where near my bed.... :-(
5. Cable TV sucks....we have all the repeats tonight: Ally Mcbeal, Felicity and Ally.
6. CNN is no where near journalistic excellence...too American centric! Need a more balance view of the world and this is where BBC comes in and I can't afford to subscribe to BBC just yet.
Ah well, at least it's 2 more days to Friday! Can't wait for the weekend to come by.
Just another alien in Tokyo
Ha..Ha...Ha...Ha. Today I had to collect my alien regsitration card. This is when every single visitor who has a legitimate work permit needs to register with the local city council. It's just so cliche where us foreigners are registerd as "aliens". Even at the airport, there is a lane especially dedicated to "aliens" visiting Japan! Maybe the picture here will explain the concept of aliens to anyone reading this blog. Why not martians? or plutonions? :-) Aliens - yeah right! It depicts all of us here as "aliens"... no wonder there is this xenophobia about letting foreigners into Japan.
Well, it has been a long day and there is so much shit at work. Even brought some work back....as if I'll have the time to finish it off. It's 11:30 pm now!
Just tired
It's only Monday and it feels like the week has come and gone! twice over.....sigh! It must be a sign of old age or be darn...my soul has been sold to the corporate devils of the world! hahahaha.... no wonder there is not enough time to do all the things that you want to do in a day!
Talked about time management! That's so cliche....
Talked about busy! That's the usual excuse..
Talked about not delegating....that's lack of managerial courage!
Talked about not providing leadership.....well that's lack of vision.....
You can never win! As a corporate minion...I think I need a more guidance from the top....only if they are willing to share. Or are they?.....
So what am I doing? I don't f%^&ing know and reaching middle age pretty soon!
Still no comments! Come on, if you reading my blog...please let me know.
Just snowing
It was a slow start this morning! Had about 6 hours of sleep - that's how much I have been averaging for the last couple of days. The weather forecast was to snow this morning in Tokyo - half expecting 100% accuracy on weather forecast, I went staight to the window and drew the blinds down and voila! It's actually snowing...... so pretty and beautiful outside my apartment....quickly refreshed up, took my digitial camera down with me and snapped a couple of pictures around my apartment complex. Jeezzz it was cold outside and after awhile my beanie and coat were drenched... i forgotten that snow flakes melt when they touched warm surface...:-)
Anyway got back home, took my gloves with me and headed down to KFC - got the usual fried chicken and chips that I had to get to get over my hang over.... Man! It was a challenge walking down - the roads were really slippery when snow turns into sludge! I guess snow is both pretty and menacing!!
Just sober....
It's now 4:52 am in the morning in Tokyo! I'm trying to write today (tonight?) to capture the essence of today's events but my head is not functioning properly.
I had a drinking binge with my colleagues todays - in fact it was a birthday party! usually I'm really drunk by now - if not, I will be puking all over the apartment! :-( Well I'm not that piss fit but I do this in order to create a relationship with people from work. Is this the right thing to do? Buit honestly, I enjoyed my colleagues company - for a change I was sober and took them home! Yes - Ian the great! :-)
We'll see how it goes first thing tomorrow morning....not expecting much but hope to stay alive the whole of Saturday. KFC is always good......yum!
Just the gym freak
Well at least I managed to get my friend's wedding present today! I can strike this activity from my to do list! Yea!
Typical of me, went to the gym today to sweat it out! I think I'm a gym freak! The outside temperature is about 4 C and managed to drag myself to the gym! Who would do this if they are not a gym freak!
Checked myself out in the mirror (how gay can this be??) and I think I'm looking more defined! The shoulders, arms and the biceps have definitely some form! (I swore some women were checking me out :- ) .... where are the guys hehehe) Still around 64 kg and determine to get the weight down between 60 to 62 Kg but the abs story is bad news. Still targeting for the 6 piece pack abs but I'm currently not even there - zilch! Just two will do me fine but it's so damn difficult! Oh God, please give me 2 piece abs and I'll promise to be a good boy! (no more porn for a while :-)). I am almost starving myself - depriving my body of calories and yet I'm still about 1000 kms away from my goal! sigh..... Obviously god did not give me those good genes befit of a good looking guy!
Well - at least another 100 sit ups before I go to bed tonight. Don't give up!
Just another day!!
Sigh....it's just another day!! Work,, work, work and more work.
I can't seem to get enough breaks in between just to chill out and do nothing for a while! (at least since the new years!). Today has been another hectic day - full of meetings and workshops! Bosses asking things from you...and peers giving you shit about things! The day just went by so fast that the next thing you know - it's time to go home.
Even at home, I can't seem not to do stuff - that I end up being in bed around 1 am and I have to pull my weak and sleepy body to work the next day!
Looks like I still can go to bed before 11:59 pm! How on earth am I suppose to make sure I achieve my new year;s resolution. It's not a hard task right? I better do something about tomorrow and try to finish work by 6:30 pm!
As well as being in bed by 11:59 pm, I have been postponing a purchase of a friend's wedding gift! I have putting this on hold for the last two weeks. I must be some friend! Right - tomorrow - do to list as well!
Good night!
Just for the sake of blogging!
Reading other blogs can be quite addictive! REALLY, REALLY Addictive..
My usual routine for the day over the last couple of days back from work have been:
1. Head to the gym,
2. Cooked at home to saviour my new found skills
3. Read the English Daily Yomiuri
4. Read blogs and I have even found my own favourite blogs and have been reading all three of them daily religously) - one from Tokyo, the other blogger from Malaysia and the third one from the US of A!
5. Then write my own blog before heading to bed.
Not sure why this is so addictive but it some how feeds my soul for inspiration. Wanting to know what others do in their spare time, what they think about and what drives them! It is some sort of voyeurism....maybe it's really voyeurism. However, it does generate or create some sort of a support group of bloggers and me being confused (hehehe), I hope to break this cycle and start to live the life that I would like too.
Just a thought here anyway......
Just another hectic day at work (part 1)
First day of the week and I'm really stressed out with work! It has been meetings after meetings.... and then it was emails after emails......later it was reading reports and documents....It just never ends!
Left work around 8 pm so that I can be at the gym by 9 pm.....did the usual stuff but added 20 mins of interval training. Hopefully, I would be able to burnt more fat and bring my body fat down to about 10%.....
I have been going to the gym lately around 8 - 9 pm and saw this guy. I wouldn't say he is the best looking dude around but somehow I'm attracted to him! Not sure why....... but then again, it's him again and he gets my heart beat up a notch! Just don't know what to say but I guess I'm satisfied just to get a peep of him out of the corner of my eyes. As usual, he could be as staight as a pole! Even he swings the other way, I'm not sure what to do as well.... Sigh another day!
Well going to bed now....it's been another late night! - I'm suppose to be in bed by 11.59 pm as part of my new year's resolution but if I can count how many times I have been in bed before 11.59 pm, I'm no where near achieving my goals.
Had a wierdest dream last night!!!
We dream nearly every day...sometimes we remember them, sometimes we don't! So what are dreams....do they tell us anything about the past, the future? Do they tell you anything???
Anyway, I woke up this morning with one of the most wierdest dream ever! It was so unreal.....and to top it off...my colleauges who have left my current company appeared in the dream some how with some of my current senior management!! Is this real or what? Then we had a variety of sobriety groups - just like one of the uni conferences one had when other universities congregate with their pom pom girls! The meeting was held on a mountain top resort and I was transported there in a helicopter with my nephew and nieces! And my uncle was there to greet us! Does this mean that I will be an important meeting and flown in style for this! Wow - and then I woke up :-(
And there was a scene where my youngest brother got slapped in front of all of our relatives in a family dinner! For being a liar!! Hmmmm.....does this piece of event tell me about my brother's actions?? I need to find out!
Who knows eh?
How to get started?
I have been wanting to write something today but I'm just not inspired.... and I have only just started blogging! Sigh...
Maybe it's Monday morning blues and the amount of work that I need to get through next week! Maybe I'm just lazy...maybe I did not plan my time today...Who cares!
But I did have a good weekend though. Went and watched the Sumo Wrestling today at Tokyo's Ryoyogoku Kokugikan Sumo Stadium. Sumo - whose origin can be traced back to about 1,500 years, was originally religious in nature (did you know that!!). It was really cool watching all those sumo wrestlers coming out to the centre stage in their mini aprons. What a sight! But did you know that it costs over JPY 2M to have them wear it? Jeez - my mom woudn't have wore this in her kitchen! Jokes a side - it was wonderful and interesting wrestling match to watch. I will recommend anyone who is in Japan to go and watch it. The money spend is worth the experience.
Maybe I'm not so unispired.....just need to get started!
An inspirational start.....
Just lately I have stumbled into the world of blogging! Spent countless of hours reading intersting articles on the web, some inspired me, some were so hilarious, some were very inviting and lastly they were all real thoughts about real people from all the world. Yes - I'm a late comer to all this, where have I been? Well - I have sold my soul to the corporate devil......
So for my 2006 new year's resolution, I will start writing..... and see what happens after this.
My 2006 New Year's Resolution
1. To find love
2. Be able to communicate in basic Japanese
3. To travel in Japan covering these places - especially these places: Sapporo, Kyoto, Hiroshima, Nagasaki, Okinawa
4. Cooked more at home! (I need to achieve a body fat of 10%)
5. I need to stop procrastinating!
6. Be in bed by 11:30 pm!
7. To run the Singapore Half Marathon in under 2 hours.
8. Save more!!
