Do I care?
Sometimes I find that I'm too nice of a guy at work and because I'm a reasonablu responsible colleague at work, I ensure that most tasks are covered and executed within the required time frame without direction from anyone. I just get things done!
Maybe because I work on this basis, people can rely on me to the extent that they just allow me to run the whole department and they forget that they have a team to manage as well. This is all very well but this is not what I'm suppose to do.
That's for being too nice...and why do I care if things fall apart?
Simple Life
Was at a friends apartment tonight for a lovely indian meal.
I did not realised that I could laugh so hard and so much as well!! That must be good company isn't? I have been missing good company and circle of friends Or could this be the effect of a bottle of New Zealand red Shiraz.
A view from the corporate world
It helps if you have a very high powered god father in the realms of the corporate world to help you advance your career just a little or maybe I'm just a sore looser.
Gosh - I have been so blind and naive over the last couple of years! Only if I was more prepared. Ah well moving on!!
Stress related conversation
Sometimes I wonder whether my own expectations of being perfect at work has caused me more grieve and stress that I have asked for.
Or it could be the fact that I'm running away from myself?
Anyway, one of my wise friend suggested that I should just live life accordingly - ie let go of all the worries relating to work and life and it will make you a better person. Life is too short worrying about work. The journey of one life has been dictated by someone up there and what ever we do or don't do will get us there eventually! Not sure whether I believe in this but I'm still hopelessly convinced I'm lousy at work and desperately single... only there were move obvious signs for me!
I agreed with him and I now need to work on this. Let go....
Does that mean I'm not ambitious enough? or a coward at heart? I have yet to find out.
Change of Weekend Plans
Today I was planning to go up north but got up late and headed south of Tokyo. Why the change in plans? Well I could not get up in time to journey up north for 2 hours and be back again in Tokyo by 7 pm and cover the places that I want to cover. So change of plans and headed south instead!!
Now - this is usually not my style! I'm a planner and like to do things accordingly. So today was a bit unsual for me and I like it that way. I just went with the flow (or rather where my instinct told me to go!! - no map, no Lonely Planet Guide and no tour guide!). I forgotten how life was simple and beautiful! If I do this more often, I believe I would have a more relaxed soul...:-)
Enjoy the pics - I went to Muira - a little seaside town about 1 hour from Tokyo. This is not even featured on the Lonely Planet Guide!!
A final outcome
Finally I have made a decision about my career! Not sure if this is a right decision but it has been made. At least I can move on and now concentrate on other stuff. I feel a burden lifted from my shoulder. Only time will tell!! 10 years from now when I look back at this decision I have made, I hope to GOD that this is the right one. But then again what is a right decision? A decision is a decision. Move on.
Autumn is in the air and I'm loving it! :-)
Decisions Decisions Decisions
Decisions Decisions Decisions...
That's what I have to go through today and my head is hurting badly!
Retail Therapy
I'm usually the frugal person when it comes to shopping for my own. I will deliberately think 101 times before even consider buying anything! Less to say, I'm have achieved my savings target for this year.
After posting a very candid situation of future job prospects, I decided that I needed some retail therapy this afternoon. This so called therapy is usually reserve for the women but today I felt like this guy needed some TLC! Yes - the so called, closeted gay metrosexual guy needs some LOVE!!
So I went out and bought two pair of shoes - a pair red Adidas and hiking shoes, a bag pack (yes, I'm considering taking hiking up this weekend), an excercise ball (yes - I need to work on my abs....apparently I need an air pump as well!!), a dress jacket and a T shirt from Zara and my credit call bill has clocked up approximately JPY 70,000. Yes I'm feeling the pinch after calculating the bills!! A true accountant at heart! :-)
Interview Hazard
I believe I have may have crapped out of an interview to a job that could have caputalate my career to the next level!
Bugger.....
I guess I have to wait and see what are my next options.... I just hate this feeling that I have missed out on two jobs! YET again!! This really reflects on my interview skills and possibly my management style!! Ah well..... maybe I am not cut up for these jobs..... :-(
Sigh....
Everybody has secrets
So what if we have secrets? It is best kept in the closet and close to the heart! No one should ever know about it.
It's really funny how others view me - serious, focus and career minded. Today a friend of mine made this remark that I'm not a calm person at work and she would not like to work with me because I'm too stress when I am under pressure. In fact I'm too tense ;-) (Yeah I know, I need to get laid!!) I have to slow down before I burnt out and need to find a nice lady and settle down to have kids. I just kept quiet and smile.
If they only know why!!
Plan or not to Plan
I'm an accountant and I like to plan and prioritise my tasks. In most cases I should be able to get through my day albeit longer than expected but tasks are achieved.
Today was no different from other days - work, work and more work! But I feel like shit today as my body has finally given way to stress. I have a sore throat and a slight fever. So I'm on Lemsips and Panadols!
Planning for the day turn custard. Stayed longer than expected but that was not an issue as well. I was going to meet a friend of mine at Tokyo station at 10 pm to pick him up from the airport. At 10 he rings to say he is going to be late and expected arrival time is now 11:45 pm. F$%^! I'm tired and sick and now have to wait for this friend of mine.
What a fucking day!!
What issues if any?
You know sometimes, when pressure over work builds up, people do irrational stuff like quitting and saying things to their bosses that they will eventually regret in the future!
I am probably at that stage now! If I could cry I would but I'm not a little boy anymore. If I could shout I will! I want to yell out and say fuck it - I had enough and am walking away from the career and money! Enough of the politics, enough of the us and we concept, enough of micro managing people and bosses as well, enough of the lack of urgency and positive attitude of others in the team! Enough is enough! Fuck the whole thing!!!
But late last night, I saw a Foreign movie with Japanese subtitles - didn't understand the movie but managed to pick up the body language in the movie enough to appreciate the moral of the story. Never give up on matters that are passionate to you. Believe in the right thing and no matter what hurdles one face, you simply have to push on to achieve your final goal. This movie was about a young teacher from a very poor village who went into a big city to seek one of her young student who was sold to slavery. He managed to escape but did not know how to return to the village and started a life as a vagrant. She decided to visit a local TV station to seek help through the media/news. It was a challenge to get into the building and she practically sat outside the station to seek an appointment with the Head. It was her sheer perservarance and determination altough she was considered a country pumpkin, that got her an audience with the producer. To cut the story short, he managed to return home with the teacher. Very touching ending!! No wonder I had another sluggish morning because I only managed 5 hours of sleep. I'm trully sleep deprived this week.
What I want to say is that after watching the movie, my work issues above are really nothing compared to the movie. I should stop complaining and just move on. Enjoy the ride and appreciate the life around me and the choice is mine if I think I had enough of this kind of shit. I have the power to decide and to choose which path. So with this responsibility I have to make sure I use this power wisely!
Sluggish morning
Today was one of the few days this year that I absolute hate to go to work. Yes, I have use a very strong word to describe the morning. I simply HATE it.... My body was so exhausted (I don't think I can do this again!!), my brain cells were mentally challenged (I could feel the grey hair growing!!) and yes it as shit as well today! It was a slow day and by the time I got to do some real work - it was about 10 pm at night. Not sure how on earth I managed to survive the 14 hours considering I was physically challenged in the morning.
Ah well tomorrow is another day. Sigh..... When will I get that deserve break and see some of Japan again? I can't just wait for autumn......
Midnight Owls
Wow - what a weekend!! I'm still mentally exhausted from the marathon work that we did! What a hoot! (not sure whether this is an appropriate description of what we did!!). Managed to stay away from coffee or Red Bull throughout the night but gosh it was a challenge to do any mental work! By 4 am, I was slurring and could not even construct a proper sentence! My shoulders and neck were tight.... Gosh at that ungodly hour the only thing I could think was for a nice muscled guy giving me a full body Bali/Thai massage with lavender oil! knew I had to either take a rest or hit that pot of coffee!
Anyway, completed stage 1 at 4 am on Sunday morning. Walked out of the office to go back home to take a short nap and a shower. As I got I out, I noticed this guy who was sleeping on the pavement - with his bags close to him. Obviously he was one of the guys who stayed a bit too late in town and could not make it for the last train home!! :-) But what stuck me was he was at ease sleeping on the pavement, not too worried about obvious vagrants or mongrels tyring to steal his possessions OR maybe he was too drunk to even consider the risks. However being in a relatively safe part of Tokyo, he was safe. Where on earth can one sleep on the pavement without being mugged? This is just so surreal!
I managed to hail a cab home. On the way home i noticed a lady power walking!! What on earth is she doing this on a Sunday morning at 4 am?? Doesn't she want to sleep at all? Isn't Sunday a rest day? But I was impressed with her sheer determination. I don't think I could have done that but having said that when I was training for the Marathon a couple of years ago, I had to wake up around 4 am on Saturday and did my long runs! That was the only time I could train without killing myself in the humid weather!! Well - I'm a sucker for pain anyway.
