Friday, June 30, 2006

Hot Friday night

It's been really hot in Tokyo for the last couple of days. Walking out of the office is now a challenge because of the heat. I perspire like there is no end to my body liquid fluids! The office temperature is not ideal. A wee bit cooler but not cool enough for me to feel comfortable!

Usually I'm out on a Friday - painting the town red or chucking technicolor food parts into the sink! I must say I have been pretty sober for the last couple of weeks. Sounds like a recovering alchoholic I must say! Anyway, I was invited to some drinks with my colleagues but turn them down and worked till about 8 pm before deciding to venture into Shibuya on a Friday night! Nothing too exciting - just the usual walk through the busiest part of Tokyo - wanting to soak up the creative and chaotic energy of one of the most vibrant cities on planet Earth.

Before I got to Shibuya-I had to jump into the subway to get my miserable ass into this part of town. Tell you what, some of the subway stations here are lacking the basic necessity of the 21st century - air conditions. It was so freaking hot in the subway that you know if somehow the trains stop due to a faulty wire or god forbid earthquake-there would be mayhem down here - not because of the events described here but because of the heat. Even the trains are not at an ideal temperature. Man I hate to be in the station when it's peak hours. Imagine the body odour! Yucks!

However, kudos for those millions of Tokyoites who brave the summer weather and yet continue to dress so immaculately in thier outfits. Ladies in their summer flowery clothes, high heels and two piece suits and the guys - hmm...still in their suits! They should try to show more flesh - I mean the good looking ones please! ~~~

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Stay cool

When you take some time out to assess where you're at with your career and looked around you, you sometimes think that you're stagnant and not going much further in your career. However, when you compare yourself to others around you..... you have done pretty well. Not bad actually for someone who is only in his 30s.

But then again when you compare to the super high flyers...well just put it this way, there's about 5 years on average to catch up .... if ever there is an opportunity to do so. There are so called opportunities but they have been passed on others. These are signs that things are not going well for you. Do you continue to seek the career path or do you accept that this is as far as you go and be contented?

Or - find a sugar daddy, continue with the work but be contented with what you have!! Now that's a thought :-)

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

What if?

A colleague at work made this statement this evening over a couple of beers...

"Before I die, I would like to know that I have lived my life to the fullest even though the journey has been somehow fragemented...At least I know I have tried!"

Now that statement has made me asked some questions about my so called life!! Have I even taken steps to live my own life or am I living someone's life??

Have you thought about this?

Monday, June 26, 2006

What else.....

Signs of being Brokeback:

1. Scented lavender candles for the apartment
2. Clean and tidy apartment - no trace of wild orgy parties or drunken nights
3. No untidy clothes around the apartment
4. Owns Nivea cream for dry hands
5. Lives alone....
6. Drinks non fat milk
7. Have packs of Myoplex whey protein drink for breakfast
8. Creatine powder for muscle growth
9. Stocks up only on vegetables and meat in the fridge
10. Gyms everyday and runs twice a week
11. Checks himself all the time whenever there is a mirror in front of him.
12. Have lots of tight fitting T's in his wardrobe
13. Does not eat carbohydrates at night
14. What else???? - hmm...works a lot. Using this as an excuse of being single.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Type A Personality

Well what do you do on a Saturday night if you're all alone in Tokyo. Either go out and get pissed drunk with other colleagues from work, go to the movies with yet more colleauges at work, or stay at home in front of the TV watching the re run of The Saint and Blogging.

The usual blog readings took me to bedstory and with Dr Paul's recommendation, I took the Do you have Type A Personality. What else do you do when you blog??

Anyway, here are the results....hmmm... I believe this reasonably accurate of my personality!

You Have A Type A- Personality

You are one of the most balanced people around
Motivated and focused, you are good at getting what you want
You rule at success, but success doesn't rule you.

When it's playtime, you really know how to kick back
Whether it's hanging out with friends or doing something you love!
You live life to the fullest - encorporating the best of both worlds
Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Apart from a quiet Saturday, I managed to detour from my usual Saturday work and paid a visit to the shopping mecca of Tokyo - GINZA. I wanted to check out this sling leather city bag from TODs. Very stylish - and yet so ME! Yes, I want it BUT I thought I better check how much it will set me back. So walked into the store and casually asked the sales lady for the price of the bag. She gladly helped me but not without wearing a pair of white gloves to take the bag down from the display cabinet (interesting - the white gloves!) I had a quick look at the price tag and my heart skipped a bit! Gosh... the bag was priced at JPY133,500 which is about US$1300. Shizer.... that's going to really burnt my pocket (s) ! Well I'm hoping that a sugar daddy will come along and buy me this bag for my 34th birthday in 2 months time!! :-)

Friday, June 23, 2006

Soccer v Rugby

It's world cup fever right now and it's just simply crazy out there. People are watching the games live at ungodly hours - half of the world doesn't live in Europe and coming to work just to fall asleep at their desk. I guess from an employer's perspective, this only happens every 4 years and they might as well write off those unproductive hours during this month.

At drinks today we were debating whether soccer is a better game to watch or rugby? Being a non sporty person and non soccer fan (I only watch the game every 4 years...not to ogoole at the players but to actually watch the game itself), I can safely put my hand to my heart that rugby is a better game to watch. It has finesse, strict execution of strategy and when there is a touch down - that moment is perfect!! And in rugby, one has to be really fit, quick and agile! you would need to have more than kicking skills - you need to be able to throw the ball, catch it and pass it on, move in and out of the other guys and in most cases they are usually physical! On the other hand, soccer...hmmm..I rather not comment or else I will be incarcerated! That's probably why I watch it only once every 4 years.... just to keep up appearance for the straight team! Yes-i'm still in denial!

But would I watch the finals at 3 am in the morning in Tokyo ?...probably not (in fact no way - it's school night!) and my colleague was a bit taken back with my remark. That sure sounded like peer pressure... Ithought of defending my decision but then again, I decided that I don't have to explain myself. Like I could not understand why one would need to watch the game at 3 am watching a bunch of guys kicking one ball. Give me rugby any time and I will consider.

And my favourite rugby person - Daniel Carter, AllBlacks from New Zealand

And lastly for soccer - hmmm...at the moment it is still Michael Owens.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Further rambling...

I'll make this short and sweet considering it's 12:45 am and I'm still not in bed! My target today was to be in bed by 11:30 but was side tracked with other commitments.

I'm sure you will be sick hearing about this but I'm going to say it once again! Gym boy was at the gym today AGAIN! Now - that's like the 4th time now this week. I'm not saying anything further. Not sure what good will come out of it! So I have just let it be for the time being.

Off to bed now, Max needs his maximum hours at work to deal with more crap tomorrow. I can just feel it in the air.....

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Unpredictable

Human beings are just so unpredictable! There are people who are just so god damn patient that they will just do what ever that is required to be done no matter how hard it is or how pathetic the request is. They will just plough through like a bullock cow in the paddi fields. And there are others who goes through mood swings from one extreme to another extreme. Some are just so good at twisting things around and convincing others that this is the right thing to do. Some so pathetically boxed in for what ever reason that they do not see the bigger picture, and some behave as if they know every single shit in this world.

I started this week feeling a bit beaten up after last week of crap at work thrown at me and so decided that I will choose to be happy what ever it takes to feel like one. It worked alright and I managed to push the negative thoughts to the back bunner. So tonight I'm feeling happy and lucky to be alive and thank God I do not have extreme mood swings :-)

PS - didn't go to the gym today and no I'm not hallucinating about gym boy! He trully exists!

Monday, June 19, 2006

Wierd encounter for the 3rd time!

Well....what can I say..I saw gym boy AGAIN! Three freaking times in the last 3 days! Is this wierd or what?? Please tell me that I'm not going crazy.

Ok - I went to the gym and thought what are my chances bumping into him - 50 minutes into my usual workout session - there was no sign of him! I thought to myself - wow, this is good. I like this..my own space! I don't have to freak out if I see him the 3rd time. And then I turned my head and there he was! That's when I freaked out and had enough of the gym. Stole a quick glance of him and decided that it was too much for me...So I left the gym!

Such is my life!

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Sunday unmasked

Today, it has been another wet and humid day in Tokyo but rather than sulked at home, I braved the rain and went out all the way to visit the Museum of Contemporary Art Tokyo. This is the only museum in Tokyo to introduce foreign and domestic contemporary art in a systematic way. Just a brilliant way to get my artistic energy flowing on a rainy day. I'm all inspired and I want to quit my full time job! Enough of the corporate crap! Anyway, all in worth the effort and would recommend any visitors to Tokyo to check the museum out.

By the time I got back to my suburb I was dying for lunch - so had a bowl of 'ramen' and then managed to squeeze in a cup of coffee plus reading my newspaper. Just directly opposite me was an interesting couple, obviously they were not together as I realised that he was teaching her English! In a cafe!! That's a bit weird....I have thought of having extra Japanese classes to supplement my current classes at work and the last thing I would want to have my lessons at a cafe! Anyway, the teacher (he) was hot! That is what I wanted to say :-)

Dragged my somewhat lazy ass back to my aparment, got changed and jogged down to the gym for a gruelling hour weight session and guess what, as I was approaching my gym, I saw gym boy again at the pedestrain crossing! Obviously he just finished his sessions... Another weird encounter! I was glad that he wasn't at the gym or else I would be distracted big time! I was really hyper after an hour at the gym and decided to finish my excercise routine for the day by running 40 minutes around Azabujuban and Roppongi!. Glad I did that - obviously I had excess energy after all the walking at the musuem and at the gym!

So how does one end a Sunday? Well I went to the grocer on the main road and stacked up my fridge for the week and because I'm just so exhausted, I rewarded myself with some KFC! Yumm....just look at the fries and fried chicken. I just can't get enough of KFC. Only if they were healthy stuff! :-0 and off course I would need to watch the soccer match between Japan and Croatia! GO JAPAN.

Good night!

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Back from hibernation

I'M SO FUCKING PISSED OFF WITH MY ...........

Obviously this is work related but I can't say no more! I'm just so pissed of with the events over the last few days. I'm not going to vent this out here. No point of doing this....there may be some serious repercussion if anyone finds out about this blog.

So what I did was to kill myself at the gym - 45 minutes solid with weights and another 45 minutes of running! Jeezz...I'm physically and mentally tired now! Talking about the gym, I was thinking about gym boy and he appears on the street.....it's really so wierd! I wish he did not appear so that I know the universe is not telling me something!

Anyway, work has been a challenged over the last couple of day - long hours and freaking stress levels hit another notch again. Not sure how well my body will take but it seems to be coping well. Interesting! Plus I have friends from home, so have been catching up with them for dinner and then back home to watch the World Cup. Hence I have not been blogging as well! If I did this, I would not be able to explain to my friends why I blog - it's suppose to be my secret and instead of getting 6 hours of sleep... I may be doing just 5 hours!

So I'm now back with my usual antics about my pathetic life. So coming back to my question last week about being happy. I guess you have to make it happen and happiness is about chosing to be happy!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

The Buzz

Well it has been another hectic day.... work and more work... what's new?

And there are still lots of things to do before I even consider going to bed....sigh!

Am I happy today? Hmmm...... hard to say. Probaly just feeling tired.

Now to my readers - are you happy? :-)

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

My 100th Blog

I could have easily hit my 100th blog a couple of days ago but have been totally zonked out at work with the project deadlines just around the corner. I have been also trying to jugle my gym, running routine in the effort to keep trim and to read my favourite blogs plus to squeeze in enough sleeping time. But as you know, something has to give way and it has been writing and reading blogs and off course my beauty sleep! So today, I'm totally D.E.A.D and stress levels just hit another note today!

Anyway, I wanted to write something meaningful and have taken some time to go thorugh my complex mind in order to extract the issues that concern me the most! I don't particularly articulate my thoughts that clearly and considering that I'm only an accountant, I would definitely not leave my current job to do any serious writing at all!

I started out this blog 6 months ago just to put my thoughts and feelings on something since I have been in the confusion zone for so long. I hope that by venting some of my confusion and mixed thoughst onto a third channel, I would be able to relieve some pressure from my daily life and seek some clarity to all these issues.

Well, how has my blog help me make sense? I have asked these questions many times over and over and to be brutally honest, I don't really know. However, I can tell you that:

- I'm still lost and confused.
- I'm still no where near a relationship.
- I'm no way near fixing the gay issue.
- I'm no way near venturing into the unknown.
- I'm no way near accepting myself.
- I'm no way near achieving my body fat of 15% or less.
- I'm no way near figuring out my future...
- I'm still way too scared to move out of this zone

Sounds pretty depressing right? But blogging allows me to do this anyway.

I've also found a new world in blogging, managed to read about other people's lives as well. Doesn't matter where you are in this world - Dubai, Malaysia, Japan, the US, UK, India - if you take the colour, sex, religion, political affiniation out, we are really all human beings in this very small world. And somehow through the world of internet, we are connected. We somehow share the same issues, same thoughs (most of the time), laughs, joys and sadness. These thoughts are so private and touching and we can keep all this pretty anonymously. I appreciate this frankness in their thoughts... SO in a way, I now know that I'm not the only one with these issues to live with/by. It gives me a some sort of refuge to know that there are others out there - so all is not rosy and happy.... but it doesn't necessarily help me chart the future as well.

I've been in Japan now for almost 6 months. Time has flown by so fast - it only feels that winter was just a month ago. Have i grown to a better person here? Have I done things differently from my life in Singapore, New Zealand, Malayisa or the UK? Have I gone out of my confort zone? I guess the answer is NO. I have certainly done a lot of things here in Tokyo - mostly residential tourist stuff, the weekend trips here and there, exploring Tokyo, getting pissed fit, walking back home late at night at 110% drunk...and picking up Japanese as my third language.

Where do I want to see myself in 6 months time - survive the project! Not to work so late and do what I can do and leave everything to the hands of GOD and LADY LUCK of course. I would definitely like to meet more "brokeback" people in Tokyo (not sure how if i'm working so hard at work!) so that it will give me some guidance :-) I'm hanging out way too much with straight people and couples and they make me sick with jeolousy and envy.

Once in awhile, I believe we need to take some time out and step back and see how life is treating us? Are we happy with the pace of our lives? Are we happy that we are going where we're suppose to go? ....and I will be asking these questions over the next couple of weeks....

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Power of the Universe?

Sometimes if you see the same person in the gym a couple of times a week and around the same time as you gym. Would you try to say hello and at least smile? AND, if you jog/run around your suburb and bump into the same person, wouldn't you say hello and smile as well? Wouldn't that be too co-incidental?

I'm really confused what is the universe trying to say anything, if any at all???

Well, it's about gym boy! And I have seen him a couple of times this week-around the same time as well. And he is the only same gym person that I see excercising around the same time as me. Put it this way, people who gym around 9/10 pm is either single or really stressed out at work and need this time to chill out or destress. He is good looking guy (in my definition anyway) and people like him would be at least in a relationship. Who would gym around 9/10 pm unless he/she is single right? I think he is straight but just can't figure this out. Would a straight guy gym/exercise all the time? He's in the gym most of the time as me well....Just like me?! If I chart how many times I have seen him at the gym-it could be anything between 10 - 15 times a month. Now isn't this just a wee bit too co-incidental?

Who knows???