No longer writing
It's been almost 3 months since I last wrote my blog and since then realised that there is no need to keep it updated. I have been very focused in making this relationship work that I have decided to spend the time working and loving my partner instead. This will give me time to work through this relationship and decide what I want to share with this blog.
I will continue to read your blogs and have thoroughly enjoyed doing so for the last 24 months.
Thanks for visiting my blog and if you want to write to me, please feel free to do so at firstname.lastname@example.org
Over and out....for now! :-)
I had a very simple day today. Nothing unusual. Just another ordinary day for an ordinary gay man. What a nice ending for the last week of 2007. Nothing loud nor superficial. Just a quiet end to 2007.
I decided that I would like to take these last few days of the year to take stock of what I have created and not created. What I have achieved and not achieved and what needs to be done for 2008. More importantly, being gay and being happy inside is what I have been searching for the last decade. Now coming back to reality (which comes from my training as an accountant) there are some more questions to ask......
Am I at peace with myself?
Am I trully comfortable being gay now?
Am I ready to take on the world and seek new challenges?
Am I .....am I......am I.
...... maybe I should not be thinking too hard and let the heart do the talking again....
It's been a long time
Wow - just another month has gone by and with this the end of the year is just around the corner now.
I have been really slack in updating this blog. No excuse but just lacking the will to write and sharing the most intimate part of my life.
What's new is that I am now more comfortable being gay and loving the man of my life. Every single moment is treasured and cherished.
Thank you for your comments and feedback on my last couple of entries. My apologies if I have not visited your blog to return your comments.
The final piece....
It is done.
I finally decided it is now or never.
I made the decision to fly back home to my mom 2 week ends ago.
.....and I came out to her. She is still talking to me but very cordial.....not unexpected behaviour.
I feel that I am now not living a lie. Living with my partner.
I am finally out to my entire immediate family and close friends.
and a time to take note the love and support that I have been given to me by my circle of friends and my siblings
and to give my mom a chance to accept me whole heartedly, Most importantly, be patient and understanding of her.
It is now the time to move on with my life....
Labels: Coming Out
Wow I didn't realised how long has it been since I last blog until I logged in today. It's been nearly a month! :-)
So my apologies for not writing earlier! Wondering how life has been for me? Well - since I got back from US, life has been pretty full on! Events after one another - it just kept rolling and rolling. Somehow life didn't want me to stop and consolidate. It just went on and on and on.....until I decided that I needed a break from the fast pace lifestyle! I thought I better take extra care here as I am no longer the stallion going at 100 km/h.
The first week I got back from US - a very good friend of mine went missing. To cut the story short, he tried committing suicide the day before I got back home. I only come to realise it when his girl friend went into his room and saw notes placed on items that he wanted to distribute after he's gone. Only then it sunk in! I should have reported him missing the day before after his girl friend raised the alarm. I simply shrug it off!
We quickly went to the police station and reported him missing. After 10 minutes of intense questioning and the relentless calls made around the Hospitals, we finally found him. He was found at the beach incoherent from an overdose of sleeping pills and a bottle of liquor on him. Some guardian angel checked him in into the emergency ward. We raised to the hospital, found him resting and relieved. I was so relieved that I broke down and cried.
I cried for the fact that he was alive and I didn't have to find a dead body.
I cried because I should have come to his rescue earlier on but didn't think he was suicidal. All those regrets.
I cried because he as a friend that I treasure most.....
So the ordeal thought me something about depression - never underestimate the "situation" and to look out for suicidal signs. And never to shrug anyone with any suicidal thoughts.....
I have been missing in action for the last couple of weeks! No specific reason except for the usual excuses - busy and not enough time!
Anyway, just want to let you know that I am still alive and have been travelling for work over the last few days! Been away from my partner for the last 10 days and I must say it's been the longest we have been apart. All in I managed to see him one day for the last 16 days! That day was memorable :-) indeed! Simply hot passionate sex the whole day! hahahahah
Well, my work trip is coming to an end. I am at the Mexicana Business Lounge in Mexico City waiting for my flight to LA and then connecting the SQ flight back to Singapore. I thought I better update my blog! More pictures to come over the next couple of days! If I get my act together!
Ok - I have to run now. Enjoyed my last mexican coffee! I am a simple guy!
On mindless thoughts!
Just writing about something that may not make any sense but it just mindless thoughts that occupies me when I have had bit too much to drink on a Friday night! To me this is a period of cooling down, get my body to breakdown the alcohol, drink more water in between and enjoy the cool air from the AC. Today is a freaking hot day in Singapore!
On average guys think about sex every 8s, I believe it is more so for gay guys? Correct me if I am wrong! :-) Does this mean that we do not have anything else to look for in life other than to surf porn, watch more porn, publish our profile on the net to get hook for sex and just think about sex (No wonder the straight community are so worried about us because all we think is about sex!) What happens when we reach middle age and beyond? What do we look for? Love and companionship? Would that be too late? Or nothing is too late?
Which brings me to my next mindless thoughts - promiscuity. Is this an intrinsic part of us human beings or more true for guys (gay or straight)? Is this a behaviour that one can change if we get into a serious relationship or is this a short term abstention? Only that the temptation of sex will kill the relationship? Which leads to my next question - if one is promiscuous - are one be a good guy? Can one still have valid morals that one can impart?
Why I post this question here is just the other day, my volunteer buddy mentioned to me that he knows of a cute doctor that practices a promiscuous lifestyle. During his day - he works the rounds, look after his patients and care for them but he is just promiscuous. So is he good guy that an ordinary folk can look up to? Anyway the doctor didn't think that he was a good guy!
And my last question for the night, is open relationship the way to go for a gay relationship then or is there a fallacy behind this relationship? Monagamous or open? What do we search for? Can love and respect co-exist in this kind of relationship?
HIV and Diabetes
I don't think I ever mentioned this on my blog but I volunteer at a local hospice every Tuesday evening caring and looking after HIV / AIDS patients. I have been volunteering for the last couple of months now and everytime I visit the hospice I hope and wish not to see the patients that I tend to the previous week. In most cases they would have been discharged and sent home which means that they will live but in some other cases, their condition deteriorates!
Today we had a couple of new patients and there were two very young guys. They appear to be recently out of school - which is relatively young for them to be infected by HIV but then again, HIV see no boundaries, race, age, religion, gender and socio economic conditions. I didn't get to speak to thm but my other colleagues did. I felt sorry for them but then again, I could be like them if I had made one wrong mistake in my sexual activities. I said a silent prayer for them for I wish them good health for many years to come. To be able to see and feel the world! Be able to be accepted by people in the general community.
So I still don't understand the risk people take just to have casual partners, fuck buddies, open relationships to satisfied their sexual needs. I read a article recently that some people have likend the idea that being infected by HIV is like having diabetics. Yeah right! Come on get a life. Be responsible. After having contact with HIV patients, I think not. Ask them if they prefer to have diabetics or HIV?