Shipping Out
Sometimes I need to be tough on my managers but I hate it when I can't stand up to them and say why I do not want to do certain things. Maybe I'm too soft on myself and I get easily bullied! Mine you, I'm also part of the management structure but some how I feel a little small in the scheme of things!
Like now, I have only a week before I have to ship out of Japan. In between, I have to manage project activities and get them to a certain closure, then organise my move - which is going to take at least a day! (I know I'm single but that doesn't mean that I don't have crap to pack), take my very limited annual leave and see the rest of Japan in 3 days and fly out of the country by the end of the week. In between, I have to shop for my new apartment and need to get the Bodum kitchen ware that I have been eyeing for the last couple of months. It's going to cost me an arm and a leg and I'm not sure whether my relocation allowance will allow me to purchase them....sigh...
Thinking of the amount of stuff that I have to do is just overwhelming! I feel another ulcer coming up!!
And off course, I feel like snapping!! Just like the cable wires supporting the cable cars in around Hakone...
Hot meeting
It has been a long time since I had a meeting in a plush office around Roppongi! No wonder these tax accountants charged a premium just to discuss matters with you! What a ripped off!!
That was what I was thinking until these two guys walked into the meeting room. They have been scheduled to meet me to provide me with a tax exit meeting and a checklist of things to do before my departure from Japan.
Gosh - they were cute!! I almost dropped out of my seat when I saw them. Being the straight looking man, I had to act as if nothing happend but at the back of my mind I was secretly eyeing them in their naked bodies. Yummy and delicious - I must say. Sad to say, I was asking a lot of questions so that I can just be in the room to talk to them. Alas, I had to end the meeting but it was a satisfied one :-)
Sad eh?
PS - My blog entries will be erratic next couple of days as I have guests in town. So I can't blog freely. Remind me to have wireless connection next time. At least I can then blog from the comfort of my room.
48 HRS
It has been almost 48 hours that I have not had a decent sleep at all. Granted that my extensive nervous system is on the dwindle - due to excessive sleep deprived environment. I'm holding up pretty well. Coupled by jet lag.... my body hasn't adjusted to the any time zones yet (so am forcing it to rework to the Japan time).
I managed to zip cross to two different time zones and covered 3 countries in 5 days! All in I was in the air for about 36 hours, 6 hours at the various airports, 1 hour on the train and 2 hours on the freaking bus.
Caught up with the haze in Singapore - that probably explains why I had a runny nose!
In between these statistics, I was down with hayfever, had very itchy eyes, say good bye to some old friends of mine, caught up with a friend that I have not seen for the last 12 years and then dragged my sorry ass to work this morning as well!!
And within these 5 days, the weather in Japan has changed as well - it has gone colder and wetter.
All I can say I won't do this kind of trip again!
Love Triangle?
I just found out that another person likes me as well. I'm now in a love triangle!! :-) Just like the good old days when I was in hot demand. I did not realised that my "mojo" was still alive! If I was only attracting my kind/type! Sigh...
Anyway, it was simply a bizarre week - was out in Roppongi again till 530 am and I saw sunrise. I could not believe that I survived the whole night without even getting drunk!! I could finally see the place sober! The whole place was alive in the early hours of the morning! I just can't believe it! To see and feel the city beating in the early hours of the day. Gosh - I'm going to miss Tokyo!
Work hit a peak last night! I was so stress out that I could feel stomach ulcers appearing and I could not even have breakfast this morning! Anyway, I managed to deliver my presentation today and came out alive. What a relieve!! And the whole afternoon for me was just stress free!! :-)
Well - I'm am finaly taking some time off! I'll be away for 5 days!
Is Porn good for you?
If you are gay and closeted like me, the avenues of taking this stress out in a safe manner is usually looking for porn on the websites! The comfort within one's apartment or room. By surfing the web for free downloads, you get by on a daily basis. No doubt this is a temporary measure but it does work for while - at least until you realised that this has to stop and live the real life. Not hiding behind some porn materials! Realistically - how long can you sustain such a life? Living a lie most of your life.
Anyway, is surfing for porn everynight good for the soul? Even that is for at least half an hour? I don't believe so but I'm actually telling myself it alright as long I limit the surfing at the most half an hour!! But then again, enjoying perving at the guys for the half an hour would do some good as well!!
No light at the end of the tunnel
I have not been blogging for the last couple of days due to work related matters. I really want to spend more time reading blogs and write more so that I can hit my 200 blogs before the year end but this hasn't happen at all. I thought by completing the Task for the project I should be better off right now. Slowing down and getting ready for the next move! But over the last couple of weeks the exact opposite has happened!! So how did this work? It has actually become worst in my opinion.
Sometimes when you're down, you feel that everyone and every event that occurs - it all seem that they/them are attacking you!! You become defensive, you become withdrawn, you feel ulcers popping up everywhere - stomach and mouth! You loose your appetite and eventually you succumb to stress and surfer a nervous breakdown! The negative energy builts up and it will slowly eat you away. I think I'm at that stage and sometimes wonder when will all these events come to an actual halt! I just want a break from work but I don't seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It becomes blurrer by the day. The only thing that keeps me up is actually doing more work until I get them out of the way!! Not a good strategy but somehow it works (I think!).
This time I'm praying hard as well to GOD since I can't get my social/emotional life sorted out, at least HE will help me with my work. Fingers crossed and hoping for the best.
Over and out! Back to more work!! :-(
Only if GOD would make my life simpler
I was actually looking forward to this long weekend. To take sometime out from work and catch up with my to do list of things in Japan before I check out completely of this country sometime in November.
Then on Friday night I received a call from a very drunk friend of mine who was talking nonsensical stuff for the first few minutes! After some non comprehensible chatter, I realised that he was talking about my so called future. He mentioned that for the time he had known me, he only known of me as a workaholic. And I'm a good person blah blah and I deserve more than what I have now and I should consider looking out for a life partner. Yes - someone is concerned for my future!! Wow... and the nicest thing I have heard on that night was someone likes me! She is very nice person, very loyal and in fact quite pretty as well!! And he told me in confident because he was concerned about me! :-) Now what I ever decide, it's my decision and there is no pressure to act on this information. Yeah right!!
Now after that conversation, I was in a dilemma! Should I act on this information? Should I even consider asking her out? What should I do? I know I'm still a closet case but after being in this so called zone for most of my life, wouldn't this be a way out so that I can start moving on to my next phase in life? I mean all the cosmic signs indicate that I should lead a straight life! Gym boy doesn't even acknowledged my presence in the gym, I still don't have a six pack abs to die for, granted that I will never look like the cover models like CK or DG or Men's Fitness,,,I don't even hang out at the "club" for potential partners.etc., Afterall I'm not even dating anyone - let along guys!! So what does this leave me? Nothing much except that I will just go back to my bitching about life (sorry to bore you guys out there) and probably stay in this zone and one day someone will find out or I will die a bloody virgin!! Only if GOD could make my life simpler!!
16 years and still going on strong
It has been pissing down with rain for the last 2 days in Tokyo. I have never seen so much rain being dumped in 48 hours in Tokyo. It hasn't really been miserable for me but it was refreshing to see the change in weather. Funny how life can change within a few seconds! But I guess this is reality isn't..
Amongst my treasures at home, I don't usually have items that are more than a couple years old but this item that I have has been a companion for the last 16 years!!! It knows my secrets, it knows my dreams and sleeping patterns! An item that is 99% reliable to ensure that I start my day appropriately. Still going on strong after all these years. Some alarm clock eh?
Language Dilemma
Today I cancelled my Japanese classes again! Yet another lack lustre performance from my side!
I guess the novelty of learning and studying Japanese have somewhat died down when I knew that at the age of 34, learning a new language can be quite challenging plus juggling a very demanding and hectic job! So something had to give way - my enthusiasm for the language.
Now - having said that I can't be entirely blamed for this as well. Somehow my 'sensei' does not generate that kind of interest. In fact she drills me on my grammar skills that I dread that 1 hour with her. It is no longer fun! I infact do not look forward to these classes!
She is nice but she doesn't generate my interest as my previous teacher! Or is this a bad excuse for my laziness?
Feeling cheated.
I was surprisingly calm when I spoke to my credit card provider to ask them to consider reversing a transaction that I made through the great website a week ago! Their policy was to wait for 30 days before they can formally lodge a complaint. What a load of crap!! I did not swear nor did I loose my temper. I just wanted to make a complaint! I even paid for my so called bill.
Anyway, I should have known better but I did it anyway. The resume services I bought was a bargained consdering the other websites like monster.com etc., Being an accountant, I decided that I should shop around to see what's offered on the net!! I saw one I like - it was not too expensive neither was it cheap. I took the middle ground and believed I had made the best investment to date! ie to enhance my resume so that I start assessing my market value in today's world (yes- I have not had a real external interview for the last 10 years or so!! what a loyal employee!!) BUT I was so wrong....After numerous nasty emails, I gave up. There was no reply from them! There was no phone number to call as well. How wrong can I be? To waste US$189.95 for something I did not even purchased!
Such is my luck with the whole employment/career move!! What a way to start!!
A glass of milk.
This week has been pretty good! Have been working the usual long hours but this time the effort I have put in appears to be bearing some fruits! Work wise, I'm progressing on my understanding on the transactions within our new ERP system! It's amazing what you can analyse these transactions. It's a whole new world!!
On the personal front, I'm more at ease with my myself now. I guess the stress levels have slowed down a bit and I have some direction/plan on my career. So that's put some context into this dog eat dog world! I'm trying to go out more as well. Enjoying company of others and soaking the nights up.....
Talking about soaking the nights up! My project is coming to an end soon and I'm leaving Japan and I'm doing as much I can in Japan before I leave at the end of the year. I'm going to miss this place terribly! The Japanese food, the people, the culture, the efficient public transportation, the craziness in Shibuya and Shinjukuu and the ever so elegant Ginza and Azajuban! The culture shock on the streets of Harajuku and the ancient city of Kyoto! What a contrast.....and the energy!! This place is pumping with rejunevating energy!
That's why I have also been clearing my stuff - going through my boxes of papers, documents and stuff!! It's somehow good to go though old stuff and clear them out. I say it helps with the soul! It puts me at ease (or maybe not) for the things I have achieved or not. Make some sense of this life. Anyway, I smiled to myself the stuff that I kept so far - bank account statements from 1995!! I even have an old employment contract that I signed in 1998!!! Man only I was famous - these documents would be worth a fortune. Well my wishful thinking for the day!
Its almost 1 am in the morning and I'm still wide awake!! It's going to be a long night! Ah well, I will have to get to bed soon and get some decent sleep! Hopefully a glass of milk will do wonders!
