On Moving In
It is finally done! August 20th was the day that both our homes were merged. His stuff is now at my home. Our home! :-)
My significant other half has finally moved in and we no longer need to shuffle between the two homes! The last 3 months were pretty frentic trying to manage our schedules and our living arrangement.
When I looked back how life has treated me over the last couple of months, I am trully amazed that I am now in a very serious relationship - the rings, the commitment and the love. At one point in time, I was prepared to be single all of my life. Living a life in a closet, living a very emotionaless life. Now I am out and in a relationship. I am happy I made that decision to leave the closet. No more skeletons in the closet.
I use to have an issue with space, my space and now this physical space does not exist anymore for me. His stuff is all over my place and the last few days I had to really allow this feeling of intrusion to sink in. I had to allow my senses to accept that I am now in a realationship and have him in my life and therefore accept him into my personal space. This is REAL. So for now, I call my apartment creative chaos. It is no longer feeling ZEN :=)
Now with the move completed, our real life begins.
The day to day stuff, the quirks, the space issue, the work-he flies frequently, I am home bound, his mess, my mess. Suddenly it has hit the both of us that this is for real and we have to make sure that we work things out. There are no back doors for us.
But you know what the best feeling of this whole move? I or rather we no longer have to worry about buying things enough for two in the household anymore.
Labels: Moments
34 year old virgin
Today was the Date and I survived it! :-)
And I just love the experience! We talked and talked and then went to watch Spiderman which was a bit disappointed but heh we had good moments! :-) I actually clapsed a guys hand for the first time and it felt so safe and right. We were fondling in the dark as well :-) And I was once felt the real me. I know I took so much risk just to be present and enjoy the moment with him and I sure did. I wasn't sure whether he would respond? I wasn't sure whether he was attracted to me? (other wise he would not have flirt with me over the text messages) or held hands together? I mean if you are not attracted, you won't even go there right???
After the movie we walked home and I invited him over to my apartment. I wanted him to know me as a real person and not some 34 year old self righteous virgin. Again we talked and talked throughout the night (well not too late anyway) and there were some intimate moments. Then and there we decided we should stop what we were doing. He left soon after that..... yes there was a possibility of sex but I did not want it because I did not want this relationship to turn sour if it did not work out.
I am actually falling for him! I need to get my head and emotions checked in again!
PS - He was so sweet that he gave me a small little pot of flowers..... :-) My first real date in a LONG LONG time.
Labels: Moments
The Roller Coaster Week
Don't know where to start but this week was pretty hectic for me. Sure I did a lot of stuff, felt really good and thrilled that I have managed it and now paying a physical price of being so Freaking tired but mentally challenged. I never think I could go all the way but I did. So I am purely surviving on adrenaline right now.
Last Saturday, pretty much started off with Dragon Boat team event in the early Saturday morning. Then later in the afternoon, we were at the beach buidling sand castles. That was the best 2 hours of the day. The experience was so pure - just building blocks of castles from sand and with my bear hands. My mind was blank and so focus on the experience and behind this the sea waves beating against the shore and with that I could feel the sea breeze gushing by me. What an experience?? :-)
Then on Sunday, I met this guy at a DO and since then we have been messenging each other. His gaydar immediately picked me up....and the rest has been history! Anyway, I am meeting him tomorrow for our first "date" :-) well not exactly a first date but we are just catching a movie. Nothing serious but boy my heart has been beating so fast since Sunday. It is an experience that I have not had for a long time! :-) Not sure if this is real or what or whether this will last but right now I am so afraid that I will fall and there it goes again - another broken heart. My friend ask me what is my intention - and to be honest I just want a partner and I want to be loved. So we will see how it goes.
So the week has been a roller coaster ride - and just yesterday I volunteered at this hospice looking after HIV patients! Yes - I was there and it felt really good. I mean I was alive and did not feel scared after a while and I even did some massaging. Now this was an experience for me that I could not have learnt better. It just so sad to see people being ostracised by their friends and family and yet so happy for them because they have the yield to leave. Every single moments of their lives is now presious - it is a blessing, even walking is a blessing and to hear the rain drops, it means that they are alive. So simple but yet so powerful. What I learned that day was just amazing. Life is trully simple...and be appreciative of what we have right now and leave life to the fullest.
Labels: Moments
