On Friends and Foes
I am not sure at what stage I started categorising friends that I can trust and can't trust. Friends that I avoid at all cost of telling them the truth - me being gay. Maybe afterall they are not my so called true friends and somehow they don't or didn't make an impact to my life that I feel that they deserve to know the truth about me. Who knows?
Enough said about my self rigtheous attitude but some how it has kind of define who I want to accept them into my inner circle of trust. Hence the need to know that I am gay but so what if they know that I am gay. Would I have treated them any differently? I don't know the answer to it.
Then there are my new friends who are both straight and gay and now know me from the start of my friendship. Now - that is something refreshing and beautiful that I can't explain in words. It almost feel that I was born again to this world and these people now the real me.
My two cents worth of opinion of being gay today :-)
Labels: Gay
BUTS and Excuses.....
It is now approximately 5 months since I have moved back to Singapore! How time has flown past but I still find myself in the same rut! Things have moved but not much though!!
Over the last couple of months, I have come out to a total stranger who happen to have just come out as well. So he is still discovering but he is definitely miles ahead of me!! I have done a course about self awareness that should have expand my true self and seek the so called life path but somehow like I said earlier on I still feel trapped. I am more comfortable of my feelings about guys. I have accepted that I am trully attracted to guys especiallly the good looking ones but I am still comfortable making new friends with guys but not expecting any more except for the basic friendship.
I am more comfortable now with my very close friends about me being gay and we have decent conversations out relationshiops. In the past, I just shudder when I hear about gay relationships but I secretly harbour this feeling. Longing to be touched and hugged. Longing just to be love and accepted. Something pure.... Maybe one day I will find that love. Just maybe....
Anyway, it has been a long day! I realised that I have a lot of BUTs in my sentences above. Maybe this reflect my so called life which is full of excuses and BUTs.
Labels: Gay
