Just Blood Bags...
Somthing I learnt the other night. Don't write your blog when you're intoxicated! That doesn't help with the functioning of one's brain cells. I remember that for every beer drunk, there would be thousands of brain cells that will be destroyed. Alas, my writing skills were at the junior level with lots of spelling mistakes and sentences that did not made any sense at all. Thanks to modern technology, I could edit my blog (instead of deleting it or tearing it off from my diary!)So today, I'm in another mood of self discovery! I know I'm going in circles again and somehow the confusion seem to be prolonged because of my inaction! Having said that, what am I suppose to do. It's so easy to be in this zone, where a routine life has been created around my self denial of who I am. I worked like a mule. So that my energy can be focused on work and hopefully this "thing" will go away and I will eventually fall madly in love with someone! Yeah right! For a 30 something to think as if this will go away will show how mature I am but there this maybe concept that I'll turn out alright. Hmmmm.....
Don't get me wrong, my life has been good. I thank GOD for that and I'm trully grateful that HE has provided me with the necessary guidance and strength. I travel all over Asia for work, stay in the finest hotels and dine in one of the finest restaurants. My direct managers have been really supportive of my career and have given me the opportunity to grow as well. I think I'm healthy albeit the drinking binges I have had in the past - done a couple of half marathons and a full marathon (yes - I was running away as well), supportive family and friends. All I need now is a partner....and that's the most difficult one!
So I guess, I have the following questions to ask myself:
(a) When I dream or fantasize sexually, is it about boys or girls?
Answer: Yes all the time and it's men only.
(b) Have I ever had a crush or been in love with a boy or a man?
Answer: Yes, too many times..... and they all straight guys!
(c) Do I feel different than other guys?
Answer: Totally different...
(e) Are my feelings for boys and men true and clear?
Answer: Oh yes, you bet. But I need to draw that line when it comes to straight guys.
Did a Are you a gay test and guess what I'm 50% gay.
So I'm not the typical guy who hangs out at the techno bars oggling at the hod bods..... or swapping partners. I just want to do the usual stuff - that's all, have a family, a good career and a good partner. That's what I'm asking for.
Not sure what Blood Bags has got to do with this topic but I guess, if I don't figure this out, I'm going to be a blood bag :-)
posted by Maximus Leo @ 11:10 PM
2 Comments:
Wow, you are looking for a partner while I am not. And I run into relationship oriented guys only lately... What's up with that?
Should I just forward these guys to you?
I focus on my work at the moment because that's the only thing I do. Do I sound pathetic? yes but I don't feel pathetic. :-)
have a great week!
Shigeki - It's old age my friend! And not accepting myself is another issue. Even if you send these guys to me, I would be too scared to act on it :-)
Like you, I'm focus on my work for the time being...at least I'm getting paid for it and I know I can measure them. Have a good week!
Ian
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