Maximus Leo

A new crush.....

I just read AA's blog on CRUSH and started to think and contemplate about my crushers. Some pathetic but for some I have painfully accepted the consequence and as a result built more emotional sheild around me. I can't believe at 34 I still have this teenage crush still going on internally with me but I guess I am now letting these emotions surfaced up so that I can deal with them - address them and stop surpressing these emotions. Whether this will turn into the first emotional kiss or date. Who knows....:-)

Just the other day - I met someone briefly during dinner. He had one of the most sincere smiles I have ever come across in a long time. I realised that his smile was drawing my attention and not least my curiosity. I have known him for a while - we are really acquaintances but our paths never crossed except for the once a year occassion that my family will bumped into his family. I realised that I did not even noticed him for some reason. Once in a while we will say hi and that is about as far as we go with our conversations. This time, not sure what happened I simply asked him for his cell phone number! (I did not realised that I was asking for it when I found myself in an akward postion - I don't even know his name!!) Now - whether he is straight or gay - I was looking out for signs during the entire dinner time but just could not read it (I swear my dinner guest was wondering why I wasn't paying attention to her). However based on my usual non effective attraction to straight guys - he is probably straight as a pole (like my other hot crush in Japan - the Gym Boy). I am still debating whether I should text him or not and ask him out for drinks. I guess I better not leave this too late or else I would miss my boat again!

There have been other crushers in my life - I used to have this thing for my personal trainer! The first time I saw him, I was attracted to his overall stature and poise and for some reason I signed up with him not intentionally but through a friend of mine in the gym. As usual - he is straight as a pole! So I could only admire him from the far. Had some issues dealing with the crush thing but I managed to overcome that personally (that for me was a personal achievement with me managing my emotions - did not want to be a raging/emotional gay guy). I still train with him but no longer have the crush. I guess he may have suspected the gayness in me but he has treated me as a straight guy - mostly sharing jokes of women and salivating at some of them in the gym.

More to come.......

posted by Maximus Leo @ 12:21 AM