Tis the season.....
Am I suppose to feel good about Christmas? Somehow this year's Christmas is going to be a subdued one.... having spent so much money on my apartment, I feel that I do not need to go out and justify spending more on gifts that others may not even want!! I think friends and family should now buy me gifts for my aparmnet instead. That's right I need to get my house warming party organised soon as people "may" still be in a giving mood!! I could score some good stuff for the apartment eh?!I am normally quite happy to be single and boring! I keep telling myself that I can be alone and it is no big deal at the end of the day. Just imagine the freedom to do anything! Somehow, after some last minute shopping in town, I realised that I am not in the mood of celebrations! I noticed that people around me were a lot happier and all the buying spree is something that they were willing to carry out despite the rain and the hordes of crowd. Where as for me, it just felt like a chore!! I was bored and I just did not want to sign that damn credit card slip. I have to regularly check my bill on the net to make sure that I have spend within the credit limits.
Actually I was feeling a bit lonely than usual which is kind of surprising. I should have seen this coming but decided not to work and act on it and now I am feeling really unwanted. So badly that I just have to cry myself to bed and just hope for the best. Can someone send me Gym boy over to Singapore? :-(
Anyway, Merry Christmas to all of you who have been reading my blog and leaving me encouraging comments.
Labels: Closet
posted by Maximus Leo @ 12:14 AM
3 Comments:
I really can't understand what keeps you in the closet. I used to be there till I was 30 having a double parallel life. But sometime I decided to get out of it to the friends that I considered real ones and to gradually avoid the other ones who I thought I wouldn't like their reaction and didn't want them to my next (real) life. From that moment on to all the people that I was meeting I didn't hide my sexual orientation. It's been almost 4 years now and you can't imagine how much relief I've been feeling and how much I have regretted that I didn't do it earlier and left the years passing.
You can do it, too! That’s the reason of your loneliness; you‘ll never find real happiness till you get absolutely free. Merely gazing at people in the gym or at the malls or chatting in the internet you won’t get nothing out of it. Don’t doom yourself! Merry Christmas man!
Since you work with numbers, you are good at keeping yourself within the limit aren't you? On the other hand, I am not. :-(
I hope the holiday spirit will make you feel better later today. Merry Christmas to you, too!
Athens Guy - thanks for dropping by! I know I have to just get out there but it is easier said than done! I have to do it but I don;t know if I have the courage to do so! So am using the good old website to vent my thoughts and frustrations! And with blessing from other bloggers - find the right time to come out to the world! Thanks..... Merry Christmas to you too!
Shigeki san - I guess you can simply sum up ME! Because I deal with numbers, there are limits and boundaries - that is why I'm still so pathetic.
Have a sober holiday!! :-)
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