Hide and Seek
Sometimes I wish my life was a bit simpler and less complex! Then wouldn't life be just blissful. I could be straight and now married to a nice lovely woman and probably have two kids running all over me! Probably weighing about 75 kgs with a beer belly but somewhat happy and contented with life.Somehow during my life journey, I have deviated so far out that it's going to be a challenge to lead a simple life again. I have tasted evil/greed and so far so good. I have view the gay life from the outside or rather from the closet. It's not so rosy sometimes but then again it can be quite thrilling! But doesn't this say for all sort of live journey? Who knows???
Over the last few days I have come accross a couple of new blogs that i have been reading daily and yes i have been up late again just to catch up with the readings! No wonder I feel so miserable the next day. Not that they are any different from my usual favourite ones but they breath some freshness into my perspective of life. And that I'm not the only one again in this world facing the usual closeted issues. It's a good balance and honest to a point. Not sure they will help me be more accepting of myself but who knows...they always say time will tell. However time is not on my side forever! Just the other day, I know off someone whose son died in his sleep. Pretty young guy I must say and very sad indeed. Somehow I know that feeling having seen death as well but having acknowledge it, I'm still so scared shitless in doing anything more outside my box and one of them is to come to terms of my sexuality! If I look back on my life, I wish I did not hide this but I chose to keep this aside and just put my whole life into work and making a career out of it. Has it help? Probably not...I have just dugged a very deep hole and have been buried amongst the tonnes of sand..
What am I trying to say today in my blog? Well..I don't know but I think I'm quite fucked up anyway.
Ah well time to go to bed. It's going to be just another day.....
posted by Maximus Leo @ 10:48 PM
3 Comments:
Maybe, it's because it's the middle of the week. that might have been it. Get yourself something sweet or something almost better than good fuck. :-)
You have a transition in your life coming up when you leave the fantabulous Tokyo. So that might help you be New You. no?
Keep your chin up and be happy!
Awww, here's a hug! You need to come and visit. When are you coming to the States?
Shigeki san - yes possibly mid week blues but then again a good fuck is just as good as it gets :-)
Charles - thanks for the positive note.
Rick - Would love to visit the States one of these days!! Will let you know. cheers :-)
cytusm - tell me about it :-) wish it was slightly straighter than expected.
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